Wednesday, August 19, 2020

Kirtinagar – The City of Deeds @ WEP Entry # Long Shadow


When Ernest Hemingway used "Thou" and "You" in "For Whom the Bell Tolls" to imply respectively "Su", formal and "Tu", casual second person salutations in Spanish, he earned severe negative criticism for using and mixing an obsolete (English) form with modern forms. Hemingway was native English speaker. I am not. Educational and Testing Service (ETS) have recognized my writing prowess, though [ My seven year old ToEFL score card, photo of which is shared herewith, is the testimony.] After all, grammar is, from linguists' view point, codified usage of language by people belonging to defined geographies. 

Language is my tool for storytelling. In order to bring the feel to the reader I play grammar (don't search for "with the"; [Neither I am a child nor the grammar is a toy] I 'play' grammar like playing people, politics, race card, linguistic group sentiments, sexual orientations, genders and victimhood.), fiddle punctuation, doctor spelling to elucidate pronunciation, engineer words to carve impressions. For uncrossed t-s and undotted i-es or preposterous prepositions and awry articles inattentive proofreading is to blame. Storytelling is my passion, proofreading - nay.


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Kirtinagar – The City of Deeds

Ruh was watching Prajuktipur’s shadow on completely deserted, gradually waning Kirtinagar, sprawling over thousand hectares, through Eastern panes of her sixtieth-floor office.

Ruh’s mother Seema commented from behind, “Gloating?”

Ruh replied reluctantly, “Measuring, scheming…. the endeavor, the expenditure required to remove Rathin Gupto’s mess on the marsh.”

Frowning Seema snapped, “Do you care about my baba’s blood, sweat, money dissolved in the marsh, keeping Kirtinagar intact?”

Ruh bantered, “In control.”

She added then, "I’ve checked the land records. Guptos used to own the marsh. Then the government put limit on individual landholding. Rathin’s father lost the marsh.”

Seema screamed, “Rathin? Not dadan? Disrespecting your grandfather!”

Ruh laughed out loud, “Clever dadan! If I call you Seema, I’ll end up with Ma….”

Seema reminded Ruh, “This Pajuktipur office, trendy outfits, cars, your snuffs, gadgets – my shrewd baba earned all. The control you’re contorting about… he bought that, bribing politicians… freed the marsh from squatters, from their shacks made of rags and cane on raised bamboo platforms, by buying their non-salable ownership, bestowed to them by the government, for their rehabilitations...”

Ruh interrupted, “Dadan harvested return on investment. The Democratic Government, run by politicians on his payroll, paid him for filling up the marsh and building Kirtinagar thereof.”

She asserted then, “Dadan knew… every construction at Kirtinagar was destined to be corroded by moisture, creeping up through pores of landfill, by water clogging…”

Seema justified, “Drag of developing Kirtinagar inflicted baba with hypertension, culminated into cerebral thrombosis.”

Ruh slandered, “Then his dutiful daughter left fashionable student politics and joined nasty family business.”

Seema reminisced, “I’s twenty-one then. It was fun being tagalong to Mrinal, charismatic campus leader of violent student politics…”

Ruh taunted, “Tagalong? You’re lovers. Though Deepak’s your fiancé then.”

Seema scowled, “Deepak? You used to call him baba….”

Ruh sneered, “Yay, the looser tried hard to be my father.”

Seema recalled, “I approached Kirtinagar residents for converting their damp, friable small family homes to high rises. Then Prajuktipur had just began to grow, unable to accommodate all its workers belonging to several echelons of pay. High demand for low cost housing in vicinity was just about to pop.”

She continued, “Resources were scant then. Baba’s unable to walk, talk or eat. Most residents of Kirtinagar willingly converted their property, accepting compensations, in cash or flats or a combination of both. Deepak’s the lender. The wealthier Kirtinagar denizens were resistant. Mrinal’s ingenious maneuvers….”

Ruh slandered, “Ingenious maneuvers? You’re glorifying how Mrinal burned a few of them alive.”

 She went on, “Your ever-delayed repayments made Deepak look into your books. Thus, he realized how Mrinal was sucking your business, how return on investment was just break even, though sales figures were humongous continuously for ten years.”

 Seema mentioned scornfully, digressing intentionally, “On your fifth birthday, Deepak wished for another child, to help you with the business.”

Ruh laughed and replied, “You spilled the beans…..”

Seema, too, laughed and added, “The look on his face…. I still remember. He took quite a while to assimilate, then surmised, ‘Oh! It’s always Mrinal.’ I abruptly rectified though, ‘Ruh’s from Ashis, the interior decorator, hired for our Prajuktipur office.”

Ruh inferred, “Thus Deepak lived lost, till he succumbed to the road rage”.

Then, she returned to Seema’s initial question, “Not gloating, though nobody’s out there with the leverage of knowing my criminal secret…... of stealing a fatal microbial strain from the college lab, then mixing it to Kirtinagar’s water supply lines, all by myself, leaving no loose end, hence, no risk of being blackmailed, unlike your messy arrangements involving Mrinal.”

Few months ago, Seema alerted Ruh, “Business’ about to collapse, unless we match our stride to catch up with current booming trend in Prajuktipur. High rise buildings comprising dingy apartments, stingy shops, congesting Kirtinagar, like litter, must give way to planned development of spacious well-lit condos, town houses, bungalows, shopping plazas with huge parking spaces, wide drivable roads, greenery, underground sewerage and drainage…. I can’t compensate all the residents of Kirtinagar. Thirty thousand people lives in its each square kilometer, over three hundred thousand people in total, incurring a hundred billion rupees in compensation.”

Ruh sarcastically added then, “Ask Mrinal to drop a bomb on Kirtinagar, though he’ll bleed the business white for the job, wrenching you for never marrying him.”

A week after this conversation, in wee hours of a weekday, Ruh went live on social media, sharing her stray dog feeding endeavor amidst the crew of Kirtinagar Municipality, at one of Kirtinagar’s water supply maintenance sites. Instantly, she earned compassion of the crew. Keeping the crew busy in front and rear of her camera, Ruh, stealthily, added the microbe colony to the city water supply. In a few weeks, some unknown infection wiped out population of three blocks of Kirtinagar.

Ruh’s video of dog feeding went viral. Banking upon hugely compassionate public mood, she buzzed continuously against nexus of corrupt politicos and construction farms, holding them responsible for fatal infection at Kirtinagar.

In tandem, the mainstream media sensation machinery narrative held Ruh a hero, a scion revolting against her own people. Also, their reportage terrorized Kirtinagar residents of imminent death. Within weeks, Kirtinagar dwellers vacated the city, voluntarily.

Ruh’s explanation about her modus operandi silenced Seema. Ruh asserted the forward plan, “You must soon announce my engagement to Prama.”

Seema reacted, “The cement baron Dutta’s daughter!”

Ruh ignored, “It must be ostentatious. It’ll bring you to the fold of sympathizers of marginalized persons. It’ll steer clear all bad press about redevelopment of Kirtinagar”

Seema fumbled, “Even last night your orgasmic moans were from Soham! What’s about him?”

Ruh snapped, “I’ll keep him in the closet. Until open relationship for bisexuals or promiscuity in general becomes fashionably adorable, or sexual straightness starts to be ostracized….”

She digressed abruptly though, “Wanna get rid of Mrinal?”

After three months, Mrinal succumbed to heart attack, without prior heart complaint. Ruh posted a photo of Mrinal on social media explaining how he inspired Ruh. 


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WORD COUNT:  995 (nine hundred ninety five) [Including all hyphenated words, else one thousand (1000)] 
FCA – FULL CRITIQUE ACCEPTABLE

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44 comments:

  1. Wow. Devious, nasty and all too successful. A family without a conscience. What if anything, will bring Karma to their doorstep...?

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the comment.
      Karma is knocking and the family is getting away through a backdoor, until now. Who knows what's next...

      Delete
  2. Wow - such convoluted and nasty plans! Like Elephant's Child I wonder about karma....

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    Replies
    1. Karma is under lockdown. I am, too, waiting for Karma's return to good old World of deeds.

      Delete
  3. Hi,
    The sad part is that the theme of your story has a piece of reality in it especially with what is going on today. I read it and felt sorry for the underprivileged.
    As for the style you used, it was magnificent. I actually could feel myself in India. See the crowded streets and hear the honks of cars and buggies or bikes. The atmosphere was excellently set.
    Outstanding job.
    Shalom aleichem
    Pat Garcia

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Pat for sharing.
      I labored to give my readers the feel of circumstances. Thus, your comment is encouraging for it seems i could take baby steps to my goal.

      Delete
  4. A descriptive, highly modern tale that contrasts how the viewpoints of the young and old differ. In addition to showing what drives Ruh to such questionable actions. Well done.

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  5. You did express the essence of the culture with your writing style. And you captured one of the darker aspects of human beings, the art of deception. That transcends culture along with some other particularly unsavory qualities.

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  6. Oh, this Ruh is totally evil, and not ashamed of her wickedness. Very powerful.

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  7. This hit too close to home, with the latest scandalous invention from the power behind our Tory-throne. Well written, and rbings the characters to life.

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    Replies
    1. Wow Jemima, you've opened my eyes. I tried to write something very Indian. Your comment has made the matter global . :)))

      Delete
  8. Wow. Hints of devious deception.
    www.rsrue.blogspot.com

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  9. There are kernels of truth in there. I put nothing past big Pharma or businesses. Well written and evoked anger. Dixie Jarchow

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  10. I shudder to think how many times through history such shady deeds have been done so the wealthy or powerful can get their way. This family is rotten and scheming. This tale is more true to life than I wish it were. Well done!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Laura for all encouraging words. Initially I planned a novel with three generations of notoriety with peek on one previous and one subsequent generations, with a snap of Karma at the climax. Before getting into penning the whole idea into a novel I got an opportunity to test run in the current challenge.

      Delete
  11. Wow, I read and see the same in the capital where the destruction of the entire country is occurring. So much truth in the deviousness of power! Well done!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Yolanda for insightful comments. All I could elucidate is power. The struggle for wealth, actualization and enjoyment remained subdued.

      Delete
  12. Cold-blooded and calculating indeed. A chilling read. Well done!
    ~Cie from Naughty Netherworld Press~

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  13. Oh wow! This was splendidly spun, capitalism at its worst. And what perfect setting. Well done! I loved it.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for encouraging words. I don't know about capitalism or any ism. I can only see biological interactions interspecies and intraspecies. Mostly, that amuses me, this time it turned out nether way.

      Delete
  14. Whoa, that seems pure evil, almost more evil than is possible for any one person/family to be.

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  15. Ruthlessness comes to my mind in reading this. There's an awful lot to take in.

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  16. Thanks for this Sanhita. Very well written dialogue, compelling. You should write plays, adding more body language to dialogue maybe. I understand you dropping the punctuation for effect ... you can probably get away with it in poetry, sometimes, however, in prose, no magazine would be willing to publish your story as it stands. Don’t like rules, myself, intent on breaking them all the time .... Nice twist in the plot. Happy WEP week.

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    1. Thank you Susan for the input.
      I have other stories, in this blog, from total omnipotent POV , mix of dialogues and omnipotent POV, first person POV and more. I use dialogues and narrations to fit in the given constraints of word limit, theme, opening line et cetera. I try to fit my stories under given constraints as long as the process of storytelling amuses me. I would not relinquish my creative liberty to comply with a few parochial notions of magazine editors.
      The world is getting freer everyday as technologies are liberating individuals more and more. I have my blog. I am not anxious for being published in any magazine. Also, writing is not my vocation, but a hobby. I am happy to die poor, unheard unrecognized unappreciated as a failure. I would never rush to achieve a success defined by others.
      These stories are dark to match the given theme. My world is full of light. Amidst countless conspiracies, my trivial individual has so far survived protecting her freedom of expression. I am confident that till biological death I need not be gung-ho to fit my expressions with contemporary fashionably adorable concepts prevailing in society and geographies.

      Delete
  17. Wow! What a wonderfully wicked character. I love it! If, as you mentioned in another comment, this is a test run for a novel, I think you have at least two excellent characters and a great plot to build on.

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    1. Thank you Donna. To pursue the novel i have to find some space in my schedule. Let us hope for the best.

      Delete
  18. A tale that is all too true to life these days. You expressed the essence of Indian culture with your descriptions. And you captured in your tale the art of deception. Oh that evil Ruh. Devious to the core.

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    1. Thank you Denise for all encouraging words.
      However, as a responsible Indian, I must mention that this is not the Indian culture. Indian culture is far more complex and far more magnanimous to fit in a flash fiction with given word limit. This is global paradigm where deviousness is common and galore. This is a slice of contemporary and evolving India. This is a piece depicting how opportunities are made in every issue globally by people with skill to earn profit for themselves.
      Hints are in global immigration scenario after outbreak of COVID-19 pandemic, booming business of Zoom, hike in demand of sanitizers and masks and so on.

      Delete
  19. Wow. This is dark and powerful. Still processing. Great entry.

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  20. Hi Sanhita - all I could think of was the Mesopotamian Marshes outside Baghdad that Saddam Hassein drained and the appalling consequences ... so your story ran really true for me - even though I realised it was India you were talking about. Sadly corruption abounds everywhere ...

    Great story telling and I really complement you on writing in the English language - it is not easy for so many - but is the language for now that many utilise.

    Take care - Hilary

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    1. Hello Hilary.
      Marshes are physiographic kidneys. They clean up drainage and absorbs harmful byproducts. Choking them creates lots of problems, physiographic and human.
      Physiographic features appearing on discreet geographic locations may create unique or analogous, even similar human interactions. Thus, in a story about India, you view Baghdad, some views England, some views others...
      I have nothing more to say about English. Thanks mentioning my comments on English and my english.

      Delete

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