It is Spring. Every afternoon is getting hotter than the previous one. Pema is sitting on the edge of the platform in front of her bedroom. It is time for her granddaughter Anu to come back from school. Pavitra, Pema’s daughter-in-law is busy with chores. She goes to work early in the morning. She is a health worker in the city hospital. In the evening she cooks in a messing home of women. In between works, she ties up her own household. Pema tries to help her but fails to keep pace with her. Pema too works for a household, since her teenage. Teenage lights up her memories of the spring. She frowns hard to sharpen her gaze through slits between eyelids wrinkling up the loose skin above her chin.
Anu rattles open the door and her countenance brightens up in enthusiasm. She shouts, “Diju, you’re seeing something from the past! Tell me, what it is.”
Pema smiles. Her toothless chick dimples deeper between jaws. She shouts back at Anu, “Wash yourself first. Eat some momo. Then I’ll tell you about the valley where I was born.” The red of the tiger’s claw flowers makes Pema remember that she got her first period during spring. Her grandma told her, “Like a tiger's claw blooms red in spring you are going to be red every month.” Pema ridiculed her grandmother, “Will I bloom then?” Grandmother smiled. Now Pema knows how she bloomed.
The valley used to be pleasant in Spring, cool in Summer, comfortable during Autumn and warm in Winter. After every sprinkle of rain, a rainbow used to arch over the valley from one wall of the mountain to another. The night sky was unpredictable. Generally, in Summer and Winter, the night sky used to raise a veil of dense fog. Spring and Autumn used to have a night sky embossed with twinkling stars leaving a week before the full moon and a week after it. Spring used to be red in tiger’s claw, kapok and rhododendrons, purple in bauhinia, myrtle and rhododendron, white in crepe flowers and rhododendron. Autumn used to be brighter on leaves, grasses, mosses on boulders dumped by a river and on splashes of river water that stumbled upon boulders on its bed. The tea plantations surrounding the valley used to keep changing shades of green all around the year.
As Pema started menstruating, Puran’s cuddles started making more sense to her. Following spring she eloped with Puran. She can barely remember how long their journey was. Only she remembers the thrill of the journey. She cannot even remember if she had a period during the journey. She wonders now, if she got it then how she cleaned herself! She left home only with Puran’s palms in her hand.
First, they climbed the valley walls through the tea gardens. Then they started climbing down the mountain on the other side of the valley. It was through a dense forest. The days used to pass by looking for fruits or a root. The nightfall used to be time for heaping up a pyre and baking the root or a rat in it. As the darkness used to creep filling all voids in the forests, Pema used to fall asleep. Puran used to stay up in protection of Pema. The dampening cold gushes of wind during the wee hours used to awoke Pema. Shrugging off residue sleep from her body, Pema used to find Puran asleep curled up by the fire. Pema used to cover him up with her stole, then she used to push in a few more twigs to the pyre to rejuvenate the flames. After that, she occasionally got a parenthesis to accommodate her surprise over why no jackal has yet eaten Puran and herself alive!
Once they arrived at the foothills, they found a river to bathe and an abandoned railway shed to sleep. Days were beautiful with millions of butterflies, flocking on the damp spots to suckle minerals. The scene used to create a mosaic of color on the ground. With slightest tremor, the butterflies used to bring the mosaic up in the air by fluttering their velvety wings. There were insects which used to resemble blossoming flowers. Only a very close view used to give an idea of their movement along moribund branches of trees. In the evening, often, the elephants used to fight on the riverbed. Sometimes, they used to be found in large flocks coming out of the forest and drinking from the river.
One morning Pema and Puran were forced to leave the shed. That morning they discovered that they were living with a snake. Venomous or not it made them leave the place. Foraging all that day not only meant finding food, but also finding shelter. That night they sneaked in a cottage in the forest range complex. For the sake of keeping others in the complex in the dark about their existence, they kept the darkness inside the cottage intact. Gradually, they learned to communicate in darkness. In the daybreak, they used to search the cottage for traces of other animals sharing their shelter in corners and crevices of the cottage. Finding none further motivated them to return there to sleep.
One night a few people discovered them asleep on the dirty floor of the cottage. Next morning, Pema and Puran woke up in front of a man sitting on a chair staring at them. His glances were not scary, yet Pema and Puran dreaded being bitten black and blue. The man took them to another cottage and helped them to wash themselves up, offered them food and then brought them before beat babu. Beat babu asked them about their whereabouts. Both Pema and Puran kept mum. Yet the community did not throw them up. They offered livelihood. Pema started being household help at beat babu’s quarter. Beat babu and his wife were then expecting their second child, the first one being just a toddler. Puran was employed as a cook in the mess of the security forces camping in front of the Forest Range Office.
Through Puran, Pema was introduced to Dipen. Both used to love Pema. Pema never loved them but felt proud of having two lovers at the same time, in harmony. Thus, she could never figure out who among them gave her the still born. She was not at all worried about the child. As soon as she was told by other women of the community that she is going to have a child, she decided to float the child in the river. It was beat babu and his wife who were concerned about her and her child. People said nasty things about beat babu blaming him for Pema’s pregnancy. But his wife stood by both beat babu and Pema. She motivated beat babu to help Pema and her unborn child to grow up while never accepting the false blame of fatherhood of Pema’s child.
A year after the Pema was relieved of the still born, beat babu was transferred to a different location. Occasionally, Pema started visiting Puran and Dipen. Puran stopped loving her with her first pregnancy. Her stretch marks and swollen body parts took away the spell of love from Puran. But Dipen adored Pema even in her out of shape condition after the childbirth. Pema’s leaving the neighborhood faded Dipen’s love for her. However, they remained friends. In those visits, Pema earned a bunch of lovers serving the security forces. Pema was thrilled thinking of travelling with them to different places. They gave her the second child. By the time the child was born, the personnel of security forces were moved out of the area. Unfortunately, the child died of congenital heart disease before finishing the first semester. Beat babu’s wife wept over days and nights, flooded her gods with offerings for saving Pema and her children. Yet, she never asked Pema herself or let beat babu ask Pema to leave. Pema heard her counselling beat babu that Pema’s children are restricted to two in a gap of four years because she could stay with them as family member, otherwise she could have been drifting through prostitution hubs. She used to conclude, “We may not make her understand what dignity is protect that as we are determined to make to our daughters understand, yet we can help her to save her dignity in future.” Beat babu may not be convinced but he could not disapprove of his wife’s words.
None of Pema or Anu noticed when Pavitra has returned from her evening job. Pavitra scolds both Pema and Anu, “Again, you two are discussing the oldies obscene stories!” Pema murmurs, “Obscene or not, stories don’t stop or instigate girls in bloom to leave home with the boy in hand.” Pavitra drags Anu away from Pema.
In the bed Anu asks Pavitra, “Are you afraid that I’ll leave you? Like granny left her Ama; like Baba left you.” Pavitra choses her words carefully, “You not only belong to Rohit or her mother, but also you belong to me. When I met Rohit, I used to be a help in beauty parlour and a help at a doctor’s chamber. I meant I was not as young as your grandma at the age of her leaving home, without a job or literacy. Instead, I was an independent woman supporting myself by earning modestly. You can also follow my path or even better one.” Anu brings in another contextual question, “Does loving hurt? None of the men who left granny could hurt her, as she explains that was because she never loved them. She only loved having them.” Pavitra senses the argument of Anu. Being a mother, she is supposed to know, if not the best, but the most appropriate counterargument. She takes a while and then responds, “First, you do not know what is exactly meant by ‘having them’. Getting hurt is a temporary incident. The concern is over being harmed. Your granny was fortunate that beat babu and his wife took her and forgave her several times even at the cost of their children being exposed to a dangerous example of life choices. At the end she found your grandpa. Got your father and you. She loves you. You may not understand that. She loves me. She protects us from all the harms. When Rohit decided to tear all ties with you and me, she asked Rohit to leave this house. She could have stayed with Rohit and whoever else, but she chose to stay with. She has almost lost her vision and strength in her muscles. She is now a bag of bones, yet she never fails to buy us groceries every morning from her toil or never stops working at beat babu’s place to secure this home. As you grow up, you must learn to differentiate between love and temptations. My advice is that listen granny’s stories but try to learn what is not to do.” Last words were jumbled up. Pavitra is almost asleep. Anu wraps Pavitra around in her arms and gradually matches her breath at the rhythm of Pavitra's breathing of Pavitra.
At daybreak, Pema goes out to forests, collects twigs and bundles them up and sells them then to a bakery. With the money she got, she purchases groceries. As she returns, Pavitra goes out to attend to her duties at the Hospital. Pema takes care of Anu and takes her to school. On her way back she goes to beat babu’s home to help the ladies there with the chores. Beat babu has been blessed with two daughters and three sons. The sons still live together in their paternal home. Daughters, too, visit them occasionally, though both beat babu and his wife passed away. This home is like a temple to Pema. She understands how courageous beat babu’s wife was in keeping her all these years along.
Pema returns home by lunch time. Then she turns on the radio and stretches herself out till Pavitra is back. They eat lunch together. Pavitra shares her workplace stories and Pema tells her stories from around. As Pavitra leaves for her evening job, Anu leaves her studies and rushes to Pema and complains, “You’ve never told me how you met grandpa.”
Pema laughs, enhancing the void inside her mouth then puts forth some conditions, “If you tell me which boy you are seeing these days, then I’ll tell you how I met Karan.” Anu reflects impatience, “None. They all are alike. They only want me to buy their ploys so that they can touch me.” Pema reflects false surprise, “Really! Let me know who touched you. I’ll…..” Anu snatches the words, “You need not. I broke their fingers. They are thieves. They tried to touch me without my permission! I dislike them because they took me for granted. And all are gone for now.” After a pause she adds to the silence, “You can tell Ama all these. But, now, it’s your turn.” Pema replies in her usual cool tone, “I won’t tell Pavitra a word. But you must learn to confess to her. She cannot ask you about these things. You must tell her yourself. She is your Ama. Whatever she suggests, she will do that for your good.” Anu nags, “Enough advice Diju. It’s your turn.” Pema looks into the dark and her memories brighten up.
It was winter when beat babu arrived in this city and took charge in the city beat. Karan used to work for the city beat. He helped beat babu a lot to settle his family in the city. The children find a big brother in him. Karan noticed Pema. He behaved with her with the same respect as the rest of the family. Pema knew Karan had fallen in love with her. She enjoyed Karan’s dilemma to express his mind. Pema encouraged him. Unlike Pema’s previous lovers, Karan never tried to cuddle her in those days. Pema was surprised, intrigued and curious about this different man. For almost a year, Pema endured Karan’s manners. Then she almost lost hope that Karan is not attracted to her. She started showing her reluctance to Karan. Karan then asked her to marry him. This was new. Nothing like this happened to Pema before. She was in her twenties, still young and rejuvenated from the stress of two previous childbirths. She found the proposal immensely interesting as she was curious to know how beat babu and his wife keep staying together and raise their children while having them one by one. Besides, she was extremely interested in the wedding part of marriage and bridal look. She agreed to marry Karan.
Karan proved again to be different. He asked Pema to introduce him to her parents so that he can ask for their permission. Pema had to confess that she left them almost a decade ago and never went back. She lost the way and name of the village where she lived. She told Karan about her elopement with Puran. She never tried to go back or thought of her parents. She took her circumstances naturally and thought her parents would have thought about her the same way. Precisely, she never knew how to go back to the village. Her narratives clearly made Karan perplexed. After a few days, he asked permission from beat babu and his wife for marrying Pema. They granted permission graciously. They told Pema later that they thought Pema’s marriage to Karan is the best thing they could ever imagine for Pema.
Pema was going through a spell. She was surprised at Karan’s demeanor. It used to be so different from the other men’s Pema ever had. Thus, she started understanding what marriage is and how man and wife lives over years together. She had only Rohit from Karan. As soon as Beat babu moved to this part of the city, Karan managed to move near to them and explained to Pema that they happened to be Pema’s guiding angel, hence Karan would like Pema to live under their guidance. At this point of sharing her memory with Anu, Pema misses her mother and the valley. She even remembers her grandmother.
In a few days her mind was too full of the visuals of the valley. All the stories she tells Anu goes anyway back to her mother and grandmother and to the valley. She misses Karan, too. Karan told her many times to try to go back to her roots and find her mother. Then she did not understand what the roots mean and how that connects to mother. The memory of Karan makes her confess to Anu one evening, “I loved Karan. I still love him. I did not like Rohit being so opposite to him. I felt guilty for Rohit betraying Pavitra for another woman. I found that happening as a nemesis to the adventure of youth. To honor Karan and my love for him, I become harsh on Rohit. If he ever comes back, tell him that I loved her. Never leave your mother. Take care of her. I do not have much time. I must see my mother.” This confession cast a spell on Anu. That night she tells Pavitra, “Diju has got a bee in her bonnet.”
Next morning Pema does not return from her morning forage in time. Pavitra leaves in a dilemma for work. Around afternoon she hears her name in the public announcement system which leads her to discover Pema in the emergency ward with her eyes rolled up and jaws twisted. Reportedly, she has been found in this condition on ways to the mountain. Late afternoon Pavitra arrives home to receive Anu returning from school. She takes Anu along to the hospital. As Anu holds Pema’s hand she murmurs something. Anu replies, “Yes, you were going home.” Then Pema’s grip becomes loose and her eyes stop rolling. Anu cries out, “Diju, you haven’t finished the stories yet..”
~~~~
From Ghost Runner & Others
